Creepy Little Thing

So... Now I talk about my addiction to CreepyPasta.

I really like things that scare me.

I really, really like things that scare me.

CreepyPastas are these little horror stories that started popping up online a while ago. I like them because I think myself brave to be able to listen to them before bed and sleep soundly, if not more restfully then otherwise. I often end up having dreams I could turn into CreepyPastas, but never do. I have strange little infatuation with certain ways of dying or injuries to a certain part of the body. My main obsessions are with the sternum and throat, specifically the side of the neck just under the jawbone. I like the idea of a suicide in which one takes a knife, presses it just under the right side of the jaw bone, a little under the ear, and slicing the throat outwardly until they die of blood loss. 

I don't know if I said this, but I'm very, very twisted. 

I may or may not post a link to my ongoing horror story that I've been writing for a while. It's call, "To Miss Bug," that may change later. 
Sincerely, Alex.

Name

Okay, so I feel I should address this. My real name isn't Alex, as I have always signed, nor is it Cricket, as my Google account states. I'm not going to say my real name on this blog for fear of someone I know reading it. I don't mean that in the sense that I'm going to say anything bad about anyone, I just feel like this is privet and should be kept as such. I'm going to say a lot of deeply personal things on here I might not want anyone I have to actually interact with to know. It's not that I don't trust the people in my life, I just don't want to complicate any of my relationships with anyone.
For the purpose of this blog, I will be going by the name Alex Hekio, being the name of .
That said, if anyone wants to find out my real name, they can message me I suppose. I don't really know how to work the internet, so I may take some time to reply.
I would also like to note that just because I won't be using my real name, doesn't mean I am lying about what I say here. I really do say what I feel on this blog, and I really do feel like I can just relax and be myself here. I would like to say something pretty to end this, but nothing comes to mind at the moment.
I don't know why I end these so curtly, I feel like they should be more satisfying.
Sincerely, Alex.

Life as me

   So, pick up where I left off, my life is interesting at best. There have been a lot of changes since I started this blog. Some of my dogs and cats have come and gone, so have several people. I've grown as a person and found out a lot of new things about myself. I often find myself wandering aimlessly in a great void of my own consciousnesses and going through old memories and thoughts without a real idea of what I really want in this world. I really hate uncertainty, more than I hate anything else. The idea of this going badly and losing what I love makes my knees quake with fear. The only thing that I have ever really been afraid of is being only. I have never in my life been truly alone, or truly unhappy. So the idea of not being surrounded by scores of friends and family frightens me. I don't know why I'm saying all this, but it feels good.
I feel like I can really be myself on this page, maybe because no one follows it. I like being able to write this all down some where, weather anyone reads it or not. I feel like I can be a complete idiot and not have to worry about what people think of me.
I'm going to post this now and pray if anyone ever does follow this blog, this post gets buried beneath all the beautiful and inspiring things I'd like to say here.
Sincerely, Alex.

Oops...

Okay, so I've been falling down in major way on this blog. Every time I think about, I'm either far too busy to deal with it, or far to depressed to write about anything worth writing. As of late, I've been in a bit of a bipolar stage of my development. I've either been as high on life I'm getting nose bleeds or so far beneath rock bottom I've ended up in China. 

On the bright side, I think I've figured out just I want to do with this blog. I'm going to approach this whole 'blogging' thing the same way I approach everything else; like I don't care what other people think.

Of coarse, this isn't the case, I'm terrified of rejection and desolation. However, I've discovered that if you give off the appearance that you don't care weather or not the world hates you, many people will cling to you because of your air of confidence. Once people think you're a strong and independent person, they'll feel the need to tell you that. Once you've started to hear it for a while, it will start to stick. We are what we make ourselves to be, and as such we are products of our own mind. 

I often find myself falling into this awful, swirling, doubtful abyss of philosophy, whence the above paragraph. I can't quite figure out what I really want out of life, so I do a lot of thinking on what I should be wanting out of life. I've been told that I seem like a very very smart person, but I've also been told I'm not smart enough to get anywhere. I mostly tend to believe the latter, because of my dyslexia, and the fact that I suck at math. I also have a tendency to be harder on myself then I am on anyone else, so I often think of my emotions as petty and foolish. This is why I don't ask for help often.

I'm going to end this post here and likely post another today. Before I go, I'd just like to say I'm really glad I started this up again, even if I am just posting to an empty network.

Sincerely, Alex.

Never Dull

    Life is never dull in my house, between injured house guests, to three-year-old-adults, i adore it all. Why, you ask? Well, for starters, I have two mothers, one father, one uncle, two roommates, three cats, five dogs, two snake, Myself and one slightly manic, mostly painful older brother... 
   Sincerely, Alex.

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